As an author of many books on Marriage and Relationship Development, among which include such best-selling titles like: “24th law Of Love“, “What You Must Know Before You Fall In Love” “The Love That Speaks”, “How To Find Love And What To Do When You Find It”, I have been recently receiving calls vis-a-vis teaching the world about Love, Marriage and Relationships. I wanted to refuse the call since I was already writing and teaching on a business series, “In Pursuit Of A New Year” Not until yesterday when I got the Divine mandate to do so.
Nevertheless, yesterday, in this same series, “How To Find Love“, we talked about the practical definitions of love and some of the major reasons why people find it difficult to find true love in their relationships (Read Yesterday’s article by clicking here, if you didn’t read it). However, today, our focus shall be, on “13 Practical Steps to Falling In Love”
Hear this:
Falling In Love Is Hard work
A lot of people think that love is just all about seeing a person, connecting emotionally with him/her, ‘falling in deep love’, and having sex uncontrollably is what love is all about.
Some others assume that romance and sex are the most important things in love. Little wonder why a lot of people suffer heartbreaks in the process. But it shouldn’t be so.
Falling in love is hard work and not cheap talk. Love and life are meant to be enjoyed. You can enjoy your relationships. Today’s article teaches you why and how.
Hear this:
Restoring marital bliss to broken marriages is not cheap talk
It is hard work. Maybe you have been married and have been suffering in your marital life for a long time now. It is not supposed to be so. Marital problems are not signs of righteousness. Marital problems are not God’s ways of punishing people. It is only the lie of the devil.
Practical Steps To Falling In Love
Falling in love, at the physical level, could be stressful. You need to work to make your love work. Thus, locating the right person, connecting to him/her takes hard work and not cheap talk. However, in the course of writing this article, I came across an article by an unknown source that buttressed on this issue.
The following are some practical steps you can take if you desire to fall in love and walk in love:
Meeting A Lot Of People:
The first key to falling in love is finding someone to fall in love with; the person you love will most likely be your best friend or someone that you have known for a while. Try hard not to fall in “love at first sight” it’s romantic, but it isn’t very smart.
Giving It Time:
Let’s assume you’ve been going to parties, events, etc, and your friends have been introducing you to people they think you will be interested in; don’t rush the process. Take your time and be friendly and open to everyone you meet. Even if you aren’t struck by a bolt out of the blue the first time, you may find yourself developing an attraction to someone you wouldn’t normally have been that interested in just from one meeting; this can signal a person (and a relationship) of depth and substance. Telling things untold for a while can make you more open to different people.
“Reading” The Person:
Okay, you’re interested, is he/she interested? Watch for signals, body language, catching him or her looking at you etc. Watching for subtle signs can tell you if he/she shares your interest.
Taking The Plunge:
Ask him or her out. Don’t worry that you will be turned down; and never allow yourself to be intimidated by extreme beauty or social status. If he/she seems interested in you despite the fact that you consider yourself ordinary while you consider him or her extraordinary, remember that you are a worthy person with much to offer. It’s no big wonder that he/she would find you interesting, fun and attractive.
Opening Yourself To Love:
Now that you’ve been dating a little while, and you’ve found much common interest, allow yourself to open further. Share your heart, your dreams, your fears, let your love in, to soothe your fears, support your dreams and believe in you, as you believe in him or her. Holding back at this stage will only result in many tears and the erection of barriers that may never fall. It will also allow you to open like a flower, and be vulnerable and transparent. This is the only way to find out for sure if the person you are falling in love with can be trusted with your most valuable resource: your heart.
Committing Completely Being In Love:
Give yourself fully, receive whole heartedly. Allowing you to receive love is as important as giving it. It is so important to believe that you are loved. The one you love has much invested in being the one to answer your prayers, to heal your hurts, to make a huge difference in your life. Your ability to believe that you are loved is so important to the person in love with you; and ultimately, to your relationship. Trust your partner completely with your well being, and most importantly, with your fragile heart.
Telling Your Love That You Are In Love:
Nothing says love like saying it. Don’t just assume that he/she knows – say it. Tell this remarkable person, not just “I love you”, although that’s pretty good. Say, “I am in love with you”. There is no mistaking the meaning there. It is important to cementing that feeling for both of you. It can help to settle nerves and fears, and give both of you the certainty that comes with clearly stating your feelings.
Defending The Honour Of Your Love:
Never make jokes at him or her. Many people fall in love, but then use their loved one as joke materials. Don’t make depreciating jokes about your love. Don’t allow anyone else to make them either. Never jump to believe the worst of your love; instead, if you hear something disturbing, consider all the possibilities – maybe she had a rough day, or maybe the person telling you is wrong. Above all, your response to disturbing gossip or accusations should be, “That doesn’t sound like him/her at all. I’ll talk with him or her to night, but I’d appreciate it if you would not repeat that to anyone until we’ve had a chance to talk and get to the bottom of this”. Don’t let rumors fly without at least experiencing your belief that your love is innocent, or at least justified in whatever is going on.
Doing Nothing To Compromise Trust:
Be sure that your conducts never give rise to rumours or accusations. If you are in love, you both should agree to the boundaries of your relationship. Once they are set, you should not violate those boundaries purposely. You should take care not to violate it accidentally. Trust is usually given very easily. You want to trust each other, but once it is broken, repairs are generally quite obvious (You can always see where it was broken). Note: Broken relationships that are not rectified instantly take a very long time to really bond into something real and functionally again, if ever.
Believing In Your Love:
Be positive in your expectation, but should any issue arise, it is important to intellectually remember that this is the person you love. Never threaten to break up or leave. If you are threatened in this way, wait until a calmer moment to remind your love that this type of knee-jerk reaction to discontent is damaging to trust. Instead, address disagreements and hurts mindful of the fact that your partner would not hurt you intentionally. Remind yourself (and your love) that you can work through anything if you work together, and agree; that breaking up or leaving is off the table. Don’t make this threat lightly; instead treat one another with respect and discuss problems like adults. You both must be able to trust in your love and believe that you are both fully committed in order to keep your love alive and create a lasting relationship.
Doing Something Every day To Make Your Love Life Worth Living:
By reminding yourself and him/her daily that your love is real and alive, you will keep your relationship vibrant and healthy. Showing appreciation is underrated. The smallest things you do will make the biggest impression. Try bringing orange juice to him or washing the dishes after she has made dinner. A smile when you come in from a long day at work, a sweet hug and kiss hello, a quick “I love you, sweetie,” when you are leaving. All these things let your love know that you are still thinking of him/her in the special way that you always have. Any little thing, at a random moment during the day, a little e-mail saying, “I was just thinking about how happy I’ll be to see you when I get home, and how lucky I am to have you”, may seem like a little thing, but all these things add up to something big over time.
Celebrate! Falling In Love Is A Rare, Wonderful, Miraculous State Of Being:
If you’ve found the one, be glad! You can be an inspiration to others. That’s true; but most of all, you and your love will be inspiration to each other. Remember every day that the hands you are holding right this moment is the hand that will caress your cheek tonight, hold your children tomorrow, and steady and comfort you when you are old. Hold on tight and never let go.
Falling In Love For The Right Reasons:
It is important to understand that what you value in your partner, as you embark in the relationship, has significant implications for the outcome of the relationship. Poor value like mere physical/sexual attraction can lead to a relationship that may not endure the taste of time. It is important to love the person for their innermost being and to have friendship and genuine caring as the forefront points of attraction. Couples who merged together due to financial considerations are another cause of poor decisions, as the value of money in a relationship can lead to issues in long-term stability. Fall in love for the right reason, and you will have the key ingredient to a successful, long-term relationship.
To Your Success,
Gabriel Onyekawa,
News Reporter,
AlaNaija News,
P.S: If you enjoyed this post, be sure to follow AlaNaija News on Twitter or Facebook.
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